The Philadelphia Eagles pulled it off and are now the NFL Champions! What a game it was! One team had won several championships and one team had never won one. There was a favored team and there was an underdog team. Both teams had practiced, trained, won and lost games, and both took the field on Sunday ready to hold that Vince Lombardi trophy high. Whether you are a Patriots or Eagles fan, it was a game well played.
This reminds me of life and how sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Whether it is a sports competition, at work, or in our personal relationships, there are comparisons and competitions. With that comes self-esteem issues, emotional highs and lows, jealousy, and can quickly turn into anger, bitterness and even hatred.
There is strategy of how to win, make points or make sure the “competition” loses. We keep a running scorecard. You know what I am talking about, right?
No one likes to lose. It is much more fun to win, but with that comes someone who loses, right? Are you a good winner? Are you a good loser? Do you find that winning is more important than the relationship, whether at work or in marriage?
Specifically in marriage, when there is competition, there is keeping score and that can be deadly to a marriage. In essence, if you are working so hard to win an argument, you are actually working to make your spouse a loser. Let that soak in!
Marriage is about “living as one”, and nothing can damage a marriage relationship more than keeping score of who did what, who did it last, bringing up “old business” from the past in an argument, etc. Let’s look at a few examples:
“I’m not going to do the dishes because I did them last night!”
“I always give in to what you want. You NEVER give in!”
“I told you I was right! Why don’t you ever believe me?”
“You don’t care what I think; you just always want to be right!”
“I don’t care what you say; I know what I am talking about!”
If you try so hard to win, you are both losers and your marriage will suffer. Is that your goal? Next time you and your spouse have an argument, try listening and truly HEARING what the other one is saying. Look into the eyes of the one you say you love and value their opinion and hear their heart. Ask yourself if this argument is worth your marriage, take a deep breath, delete the resentment from the past, (if possible), and work for a healthy resolution. This isn’t a game; this is a marriage worth protecting and nurturing.
“A gentle answer turns away wreath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly. Proverbs 15:1,2
The Eagles won and the Patriots lost and that game is in the books. In marriage, it isn’t about winning or losing; it is about working TOGETHER toward a loving and healthy marriage…day after day. Get some marriage coaching, if needed. Now, play ball in a different way and you can both win!