Have you ever found yourself sounding like your mom or your dad? How about looking in the mirror and seeing a disturbing resemblance to someone in your family? Maybe in an argument with someone, they spewed out, “You are acting just like your mom/dad!”
The way we butter our bread, make our beds, bite our nails, negotiate when buying a car, wear our hair, yell at the dog or any number of other actions can show a family pattern. Holiday traditions, religious practices, brands of cars, or favorite recipes can show family patterns as well.
Family patterns can be positive and give us a feeling of belonging or can be quite negative and give us a feeling of helplessness or distaste. We may get angry at ourselves because we see that we “are just…like…your…dad (or mom)”. We may also may feel proud when someone tells us, “I see that you are a hard worker just…like…your…dad (or mom).
We are all a product of our parenting, good or bad. Some of us had caring parents, whether they divorced or not. Some of us had abusive parents or neglectful parents. There is nothing you or anyone else can do to change that now, but it is important to explore the parenting you had and how it has affected you up to this point in your life. Then you can make the choice to continue those patterns or break the chains for generations ahead. You no longer have to sweep it under the carpet and say, “That’s just how I am.”
Excerpt from “Chained No More” (self-discovery version)
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