“Who do you want to spend Christmas vacation with, Honey? Your dad or me?” “Do you want to go camping with me and my girlfriend or just stay home with your mom?” “Who do you like to live with more?” “Who do you love more?”
These are the common question kids of divorce are asked many times by their moms and/or dads. Small children as young as 4 years are asked to choose between their parents and it leaves them in a huge crevice of loyalty issues. No matter who they choose, they will be hurting someone. No matter who they choose, they will have to say goodbye to someone. They have no home anymore; they have mom’s house and dad’s house.
When they get home, they will be asked a million questions about what they did, what their parent did and if they had a good time. Their parent will analyze everything their child says through a filter of anger, bitterness and hurt. They will continue to compete for their kids’ love and loyalty until the next time they make their child choose.
You may not think this really happens that often or you may be living it yourself today. “The kids pay the highest price.” Let me say that again…”THE KIDS PAY THE HIGHEST PRICE!” They did nothing to deserve this devastation and no, they will never fully be resilient from this slash to their identity and security. In their eyes, their parents didn’t love them enough to make it work.
All of this is what I have heard and seen through many years of being a camp mom and the director or a large single parent family ministry. These are not isolated incidents; it is extremely common and it is why I have dedicated my life to serving hurting families, whether it is by divorce or other brokenness.
It is my desire and calling to help hurting children, teens and adults to see who God says they are and not what anyone or any experience has ever told them.
“Suffer the little children to come unto Me.” Please help the children you know and love come to Jesus and feel His unconditional love. Parents, please stop making your marital battle your children’s and above all, STOP MAKING THEM WEAPONS AND MAKING THEM CHOOSE! Whether you are married or not, your responsibility is to raise them to be healthy and loving adults. “Fathers (and mothers), do NOT exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4
It is never too late….