Have you ever been blamed for something you had nothing to do with? Have you ever had to defend yourself from being wrongly accused? Have you ever been in a relationship where the other person blamed you for their own actions?
When we live in shame, we take an action and define ourselves by it. When we live in guilt, we hold onto something we did and try to keep it away from us. An example would be “we can feel guilty for telling a lie, but shame is the understanding that we are that type of person that would lie in the first place.” – Pastor Ben Cross
Most of the time, children believe they were the cause of their parents’ divorce and they live in that shame for years, until they understand that the divorce was between two adults who were unable to work their relationship issues out. In our Divorce Care For Kids (DC4K) classes, we would have the children yell at the top of their lungs, “IT’S NOT MY FAULT!!!” It would bring tears to my eyes as I watched these children stand strong in their new found truth.
Once of the worst examples of shame and guilt is when someone blames us for their abuse of us. “You just made me so mad, and I flew off the handle.” OR “I didn’t mean to do that to you, but you shouldn’t have….” OR “Well, don’t tick me off and I won’t call you that.” And on and on and on.
You may have a co-worker who said, “Thanks a lot! You didn’t cover for me when I was late and now they are docking my pay!” Do you see how someone can just turn around and try to take the blame off of themselves? Wait a minute! Do YOU do that to others? Are you so concerned about what others think about you that you try to deflect the blame? Maybe because of your lifestyle choices, you have had your kids taken away from you or had a spouse leave you ? Do you blame then, or are you able to look at yourself clearly and see that YOU are the one who needs to change? Hmmmmm.
The Lord God doesn’t sit up in Heaven and wait with a big hammer so He can punish you. He doesn’t turn His back on you no matter what you have done or are doing now. He wants a relationship with you. He made you. He knows you. He loves you. He knows everything about you in the past, present, and also in the future. He doesn’t want you to life in shame and guilt, but to live in freedom to be the best you can be.
Our “Chained No More Talk Radio” guest on Tuesday, Sept. 29th, was Pastor Ben Cross and the subject was “Breaking the Chains of Personal Shame/Guilt.” Please listen to the podcast at www.toginet.com/shows/chainednomore. He is a pastor of compassion, wisdom, and strong understanding of the Bible. Pastor Ben explains the different reasons for the guilt and shame you may feel and how to break the chains of them. It will inspire you and give you answers!
Isn’t it time to stop living in the swirl of personal shame and guilt? Don’t you want to be free to be who God made you to be?
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