Worry Warts and Nervous Nellies

Its a big world and can be overwhelming for all of us; especially for children.  We, as adults,  can watch a tragedy or crisis and be able to process it most of the time.  The exception for me, was the terrorist attack on 9/11.  I just could not wrap my head around that whole scene!  What in the world?!

Over the past few months, there has  been crisis after crisis in our world and in our country.  It has been incredible how one disaster led into another and another and another.  Hurricanes, tornados, another hurricane and another and another, forest fires, earthquakes, and now the fires in California!  It can be frightening, stressful, and unbelievable to us, but just think what all of this does to our kids when they see hours of reporting and images.  They can’t process like we can, and they can live in a world of chaos without even being there!

Another level of worry is for kids whose families are being shattered through divorce or the death of a parent.  They don’t know what is going on;  they just know that everyone around them is upset, yelling, crying and they don’t know where they fit in anymore.  I ministered to many families over 12 years where kids were reeling over their parents’ decisions to divorce.  I held them while they cried and tried to help them heal and get a better perspective through leading Divorce Care For Kids (dc4k.org) and The Big D…Divorce Thru the Eyes of a Teen” (sunsetpointministries.com).

Parents, try to keep the news off when the kids are around; especially in this political storm.  It is important to teach our kids that God sees all and is control, but the images are what stick in kids’ minds.

Keep them off your divorce battlefield and let them have some level of innocence and happiness, even in the worst of times  When kids are worried or scared, they feel insecure and unsafe.  Their childhood and their personal development is in your hands, so protect them as much as you can without stifling them.

Our guest this Tuesday, is Dr. Michele Bengtson, a neuropsychologist from Texas who will be discussing “Our World Today: Helping Our Kids With Anxiety.”  She will discuss how to know when your kids are worrying or anxious and how to help them.  Tune into Chained No More Talk Radio at 2pm ET at www.toginet.com. 

You can also download the podcast beginning later that day, at www.toginet.com/shows/chainednomore.

Parents, those precious children are looking to you for their security, example, and to show them how much you love them by how you protect them and guide them to their future.  In these perilous times,  it is scary out there, and they  need you!

 

Super Single Moms

When someone says “single mom”, what is the first thing that pops into your head?  Fatigue? Responsibility? Stress?  Strenth?  Was your mom a single mom?  Are YOU a single mom?  What are three words you would use to describe life as a single mom?

__________________    _____________________     ____________________

I led a large single parent family ministry, called Family Connections for 12 years, and I highly respect single parents for all they have to do and keep in order.  On top of all the responsibilities they have, they are also living their own trauma, heading to court for custody issues of financial issues, stay connected (or not) with their extended family members and work to make sure their kids’ hearts heal and to cope with all of the issues their kids have when their family shattered.

There are many reasons why women become single moms; death of a spouse, divorce, separation, spouse in the military, never been married, grandmother raising a grandchild, foster parent, etc.  The list goes on and on about all the responsibilities they have, keeping schedules straight, helping sick children, taking care of the family pet, keeping a budget, moving from house to house, endless household chores, keeping up with the kids’ school homework and activities, etc. etc. etc. etc. etc.  The list is endless and exhausting.

If we attend church, maybe it would be a good idea to look out for those single parents who come in frazzled each Sunday; usually late.  How can we help?  I remember single dads bringing their little girls to church with messed up hair because dads didn’t know how to make braids or pony tails.  The single moms would gather and fix the little girls’ hair and the single dads would help with car repairs for the single moms.  Family Connections was a wonderful ministry to help single parents connect, plus encourage and support one another and the kids.  I will never forget it!

Single moms, I know you are always looking for resources for your family and we have a wonderful resource for you on Chained No More Talk Radio tomorrow at 2pm ET at www.toginet.com (LIVE)  You can also download the podcast later at www.toginet.com/shows/chainednomore.

Our guest is author Linda McCutcheon and her topic is “You Too Can Be a Single Mom Survival Success.”  This vibrant women was a single mom for 12 years and has lots of useful and unique practical tools to help you have more success raising your kids in a single parent home.  You will love her, so don’t miss it!

Single Moms, you are stronger than you think, and like the Word of God says, “I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me.”  You’d better believe it, and your kids are counting on you, so stand up, listen to Linda McCutcheon, and keep going!

The Great Church Divide

The picture for this blog is all too familiar to me because my father was a pastor of several churches; a few that broke apart.  Those were horribly difficult times for my parents and for all those involved.  It was discouraging, frightening, hurtful, damaging to the church on many levels, and broke church families apart, much like a divorce.

I remember one time, my father came home from a long and very challenging church board meeting, where grown men and women argued for about two hours about what they should do with the church’s silver tea set!  Our parents didn’t usually share church conflict with us kids (grateful for that), but he was very discouraged that night and we heard all about it.

There were times when the head deacons thought they had the power to tell my father, the pastor, what to talk about, how to talk about it; and to change his beliefs!  Are you kidding me?!  How did they get that power and why did they even think they had the right to do that?!  The crazy thing was, they each had a Scripture to back up their opinions, even though they conflicted with each other, as well as my dad.

One of the biggest conflicts in churches now are about the style of worship music.  We want to bring in the “younger generation” and then seem to bypass the members who have supported and attended the church for decades.  I am a worship leader and it is possible to combine traditional and contemporary songs to bring the WHOLE church family to the Throne in worship.  It takes thought, prayer, preparation and love for the ENTIRE church family to do this well.  The problem comes when younger and more contemporary song leaders are brought in who only know songs from the radio or their own writing and then they alienate half of the congregation.  Resentment says, “The older generation need to just get over it, stop complaining and let us lead worship OUR way.”  Resentment says, “This isn’t worship to me.  The drums and the volume hurt my ears and it’s just too chaotic to worship.”  Many, many churches have split over the very thing that should unite a church!  Oh, how the enemy must grin because he won another battle.

“How good and pleasant it is when brothers (and sisters) live together in unity.  For there the Lord bestows His blessing, even life forevermore.”  Psalm 133

Definition of unity:  “The state of being one; oneness.  A whole or totality, as combining all its parts into one.  Oneness of mind, feelings, etc., as among a number of persons; HARMONY OR AGREEMENT.”

Are you in a church family right now that has a divide in it?  Are you part of the problem or do you want to be part of the solution to bringing healing and renewed unity?

On Tuesday, October 3, our guest on Chained No More Talk Radio, our expert guest will be Dr. Rick Marks and his topic will be” When People Get Hurt in the Church.”  He will be discussing spiritual abuse, church division, the stats, reasons and possible solutions to the things the enemy uses to divide churches around our country.  Tune in at 2-3pm ET at www.toginet.com.  You can download the podcast beginning later that day at www.toginet.com/shows/chainednomore.

“You Can’t Make Me!”

Do you remember when you were a kid and your mom would ask you to do something and you would refuse to do it?  I don’t know  about you, but it rarely worked for me.  In fact, we would get double the chore if we were stubborn and disobeyed our mom.  It didn’t take us long before we decided just to do it the first time…most of the time.

Maybe you are raising at least one strong-willed child right now or you have memories of when you did.  The debates, arguments, yelling, crying, arms folded across their chest, glaring eyes and sticking out the tongue.  Am I the only one who remembers this?  It was tough, as a stay at home mom, to deal with that all day, every day.

I remember the day my husband came home and saw that I was counting to 3 before they would obey me.  He said, “Robyn, why are you allowing them to disobey and disrespect you two times before they comply?”  I stopped and realized that was exactly what I was doing.  I also found that if I looked them in the eye instead of yelling orders over my shoulder, that they would do much better.

I always wanted to listen to our kids’ opinions and even when they disagreed, but we needed to show them how to do that affectively and with respect.  We knew that someday they would need these skills in their adult life.  They needed to learn how to submit to authority, speak their mind with clarity and respect, and learn to negotiate and not try to control all the time.  Lots of lessons to teach as a parent and we all know it isn’t easy, is it?

So, do you have strong-willed children?  Were you a strong-willed kid yourself?  How did your parents guide you and teach you the lessons you needed to succeed in life?  Did they?

If you bucked authority with your parents, do you see yourself doing the same thing with bosses or even with the Lord?  “I will do it myself.  I know better how to make these decisions and I don’t need Your help, God.”  After another crisis or mistake…”God, why do these things always happen to me?  Where are You?  Don’t You care?!  Help me!” Hmmmm.

This coming Tuesday on Chained No More Talk Radio, our guest,  author, speaker, educator, and coach, Cynthia Tobias, will talk on the topic, “Strong-Willed Kids: How to Parent Them to Be the Best they Can Be.”  You can also download the podcast later at www.toginet.com/shows/chainednomore.

“Submit yourselves, then to God.  Resist the devil and he will flee from you.  Come near to God and He will come near to you.”  Heb. 4:7

Are you a strong-willed, stubborn child of God, or are you one who submits to the One who loves you the most and will show you the best way in His plan? Do you need to make a change?

Riding the Waves of a Hurricane

We have all seen the days and days of pictures, videos, and newscasts about Hurricanes Harvey and Irma.  Our hearts break as we watch the devastation;  children terrified, families losing their belongings and some even losing their lives in these horrendous storms.  It just seems unbelievable as we see the trees toppled, homes and vehicles covered with dirty water, and streets turned into rushing rivers.

I have been impressed with the preparation, warnings and instructions that come from governors and mayors as well as first responders.  “Get  out of your house and get to a shelter. This is going to be the biggest one we have ever had!  Don’t wait until the last minute.  We can’t save you once the storm hits.”  Oh, I remember those urgent warnings.

Thousands upon thousands heeded those warnings, but then there are those who said on camera, “Oh, I have made it through three other hurricanes and I ain’t goin’ nowhere this time either.  We will just hunker down and ride it out.” That is their choice, of course.

For me, if there was a strong suggestion to evacuate, I would be outta there!  Believe me!   Especially if I had kids.  Our kids trust us, as moms and dads, to protect them and keep them out of harm’s way.  They also look to us for an example of wisdom, discernment, and heeding official warnings.  Choices. Choices.  Choices.

I remember when Hurricane Harvey went through Texas, how devastating it was, but when the wind and rain stopped, there were thousands upon thousands of people ready to help evacuate, rescue and bring aid to those caught in the storm.  There were trucks, military vehicles, boats, rafts, canoes and people ready to carry people and their necessary belongings and pets out of harm’s way.  Churches, stadiums, and schools opened their doors to those who were misplaced, afraid, distraught and traumatized.  Charities “flooded” the area with supplies of food, water, bedding, clothing, etc.  Millions of us contributed to these charities to do our part from afar.

I always pray for the clergy involved whenever there is a catastrophe, that the Lord will guide them and give them the emotional and physical strength they will need to minister.  Wow!  What an experience that would be, huh?

Now, THIS is what America is about;  neighbor helping neighbor, all races helping all races, lifting up the elderly, children, the sick and the lame.  People opening their homes to whoever might need shelter.  People, with a heart for animals, helping them get to safe ground and be fed and watered.  My heart swells when I think of all of this because THIS is the America I pledge allegiance to, stand up for, and rise in pride for.  “God bless America; my home sweet home.”

May we all look at the last couple of weeks and think of ways we can keep moving together as an American people, despite our differences.  Let our love and compassion for others overshadow hatred and bitterness in tangible ways.  May we reject and not engage in toxic words and actions that seek  to divide and destroy. May we follow God’s Word in Eph. 5:1,2  “Be imitators of God as dearly loved children and LIVE A LIFE OF LOVE, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”

We answer to God first for our actions and words, before we answer to our country or political party.  We need to breathe and start over, America.  Today.

This Tuesday, September 12, our guest on Chained No More will be author, speaker, humorist, and coach, Kathy Carlton Willis.  She lives in Beaumont, Texas, the worst hit area during Hurricane Harvey.  She and her husband are still digging out from that storm and will share their experiences and also her inspiring perspective.  You can hear her interview at 2-3pm ET at www.toginet.com.  You can also download the podcast anytime later at www.toginet.com/shows/chainednomore.

For those of you who “rode the waves” of Hurricanes Harvey and Irma or had loved ones who did,  may God bring peace back to you as you rebuild and comfort those around you.  We have been praying for you and will continue as you move forward. 

“The righteous cry out and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are brokenhearted.” Ps. 34

 

 

What’s a Parent to Do?

Parents and kids arguing

Parenting can be one of the biggest blessing in life and something many of us have thought about and hoped for most of our life.  Some moments can be so precious that we weep with joy.  Sometimes parenting can be highly frustrating and you wonder why you  ever decided to have kids!  Come on, Mom and Dad.  You know what I am talking about, right?

Most of us have thought about having our own families someday; cuddling that infant in our arms, teaching them endless things, taking them to Disneyland, watching them graduate from high school and then going to college. Nice dreams, but did they come to reality for you?

You might have a home that is pleasant, where everyone shows respect and demonstrates love in a healthy way, OR you may be struggling with kids who are argumentative, maybe they are struggling with an illness, sibling rivalry, or refusal to do those never-ending chores.  The atmosphere in your home may be tense,  filled with loud voices and slamming doors.  Your older kids may be hanging out with “the wrong crowd”, or just ignoring you and staying in their cluttered  room.  What happened to that dream of a happy family?  What are you supposed to do to turn things around or is it even possible at this stage?

If there has been a divorce in the family, the tension runs higher and the children act out the devastation they feel inside.  More slamming of doors and more isolation.  Everything seems to be a debate and nothing seems to get resolved.   “How can things begin to heal and change in our family?!”, you ask.

This Tuesday, on Chained No More Talk Radio, our guest is author, speaker, actress and mom, Wendy Speake.  Her topic will be “Triggers: When Kids Do Wrong, We Can Still Do Right.”  Wendy will talk about the patterns that can affect the atmosphere in the home, how kids use manipulation to get what they want,  and how to change patterns, so your home is healthier and can thrive.  Tune in Tuesday at 2-3pm at www.toginet.com to learn just what parents can do. 

Parents, look at the following Scriptures with Mom/Dad eyes to see where our family stands at this moment and where you might focus to make it the home God would want it to be.  Nobody is perfect, but we can sure strive to teach our children how to live well.

“The Fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.” Gal. 5:22

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.”  I Cor. 13:4-8

“Train a child in the way he/she should go and when he is old, he will not turn from it.”  Prov. 22:6

Parents, another school year has begun.  Now may be a good time to assess your family, using these Scriptures,  and see where you can all work on to make it healthier, happier and a place you all love to be! Maybe take one of the concepts at a time for a week/month and all work on that one thing and then move onto the next concepts.  Kids could make pictures of each concept to bring it to life and get involved.  Be creative and make it fun and see what happens!  After all, you’re the parent, right?  Blessings on your family.

Step-Grandparents: Where Do They Fit In?

step-grandparents untitled

Facebook is full of pictures of new babies; the joy in the face of their parents and the grandparents holding that little bundle that they already love with all their hearts.
The grandparents have great anticipation of hours spent with these babies as they grow; experiences of birthday parties, going to the park,  family BBQs, overnight visits and maybe even going to visit Mickey Mouse someday.  Grandparents can usually enjoy the good times with their grandchildren and when those kids go home to their parents, Grandma and Grandpa collapse in their easy chairs and take a long-deserved nap.  They learn to know their grandchildren inside and out, if  the family is indeed a healthy one.

Because of the high amount of divorce in our country today, many times, grandparents are alienated from their grandchildren and the devastation of that cannot be measured.  I have see it time after time. Now, not only have the kids lost an intact family, but also, because of their parents’ battle,  they have lost their grandparents who they love with all their heart.

Let’s add another element…one or both of the parents get remarried and the kids are reeling from that event. Now, there are new step-grandparents to learn to trust and hopefully learn to love. Who are these people?  They represent a new parent in their dad’s or mom’s life and if that new marriage is not accepted by the child, a relationship with their step-grandparents can be very tumultuous or non-accepted by the child.  What a mess we put our kids in, huh?

New step-grandparents don’t know what to do or how involved to get in the kids’ lives.  They don’t want to offend the parents or be in competition with the biological grandparents.  They need to be invited in. It is confusing for all.   How can families maneuver through all of this chaos?

Tuesday, August 29, our guests on Chained No More Talk Radio will address all of this as they discuss the topic, “Help!  I  Am a Step Grandparent!  Now What?”  Tune in to hear step-family experts, Carri and Gordon Taylor discuss this dilemma, hear different perspectives, and learn practical tools to find ways to build healthy relationships within the step-family.  The program will be at 2-3pm ET at www.toginet.com.  Get your notepads out, because we are going to learn a lot that could make a huge difference in our families!

You can download the podcast later that day at  www.toginet.com/shows/chainednomore
The best thing you can do as a step-grandparent is to pray and ask the Lord to guide you and let HIM control what happens.  That is what my husband and I have done. It takes time to build healthy, loving relationships, and this is no exception, as my husband and I are now learning  as new step-grandparents to Cora and CJ.

“Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise, His greatness no one can fathom.   One generation will commend your works to another;  they will tell of Your mighty acts…Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom and Your dominion endures through all generations.”  Psalm 145

Stuck in the Mud

stuck in the mud

Have you ever gotten stuck in the mud and had to have someone help you out?  The filthy, deep muck that our car or our feet may have been taken hostage by can put us in a panic that we may never be freed.

One time, we were clamming and geoducking in Alaska, and my feet got stuck in the deep mud.  There was really nothing to grab onto because my friends were more than 10 yards away from me.  I began to call out to them to come help me as I got more and more chilled and tried to not panic.  It wasn’t long before they had me out of the mud.  I sure was more careful about where I was the next time!

This, of course, makes me think about how we can get “stuck in the mud” in life.   Sometimes we can get stuck more than once in our life because we are trapped in a pattern that keeps giving us the same result as the last time.  Maybe it is in our relationships, or failures in the workplace.  Maybe it is because we live with what our past has told us and how inadequate it makes us feel.  We feel like we are on the outside looking in.  We can feel unworthy and unimportant, and before we know it, we get stuck in isolation and depression and can’t seem to find our way out.

Maybe it is a habit or behavior we can’t seem to get out of, such as living in a chaotic and unorganized house.  Maybe we just gave up on trying to eat healthily because we use food for comfort in our depression.  Maybe we  are stuck in the addiction of alcohol or prescription drugs and we have lost hope that we will ever be free of them.  Maybe we gave up on a relationship with God because He doesn’t seem to care about what we are going through.  Is that you?

Beginning today, make a strong decision to do what it takes to move out of the “mud” you are in and take one step. Let that step be to ask the Lord God to show you the way out, so your life can begin anew.  Find a friend or someone you trust to walk with you and hold you accountable.  You are worth the time and effort, and if you need proof of that, look in the Bible to see what He says about you.  YOU are a treasure to Him.  YOU are precious to Him.  He loves, accepts, forgives and gives grace to YOU.

This Tuesday on Chained No More Talk Radio, our guest, author, trainer and speaker, Susan Young, will address this very subject.  Her topic will be “Creating Positive Change and Transformation to Reach Your Goals.”  She will share life-changing concepts and practical tools to get you started, so join us at 2-3pm ET at www.toginet.com. 

You can download the podcast later at www.toginet.com/shows/chainednomore.  Don’t miss it!

“For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but  a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.”  2 Timothy 1:7  READ THIS THREE TIMES AND LET IT SINK IN.  It is for YOU; especially if you are “stuck in the mud.”

 

Middle School Rollercoaster – HELP!

Middle schoolers

Uh oh!  My kid is going into middle school this coming Fall!  I don’t know what to expect and I have heard horror stories of girl drama, boy/girl relationship drama, parent/child drama.  Drama! Drama! Drama!   HELP!

Remember that precious baby in your arms who you kissed and cuddled as much as you could? Remember sitting with them reading books and watching cartoons?  Remember taking them to the park and pushing them in the swing for hours on end?  Remember?

Now, all of a sudden, this precious child prefers to spend more time texting their friends and looking at their screens than have a conversation talking with you.  They don’t want you to kiss and cuddle them anymore; especially in front of others.  They can read their own books and have their own shows they want to watch without you sitting in the same room.  Heck!  They probably have their own t.v!  Now, they meet their friends at a park or in a mall and just want you to drop them off and pick them up.

Being in middle school is quite the awkward transition for both kids and parents.  All of a sudden, they seem to have an attitude, become extremely independent (whether they are ready or not for that) and seem to rather argue with their parents and siblings than try to get along.  Their bodies are changing and so are their attitudes.  What’s a parent to do?

The pressure on these kids is immense as they try to keep their grades up with a changing brain, meet the demands of their parents, teachers, and peers.  There is a huge pressure through media and peers to begin to have boy/girl relationships and that can spin them into depression, sexual activity and drama with friends.

Now, add the pressures of a family going through a divorce and their entire world, as they knew it, is shattering and they don’t know where they fit in or IF they fit in.  Mom and Dad are fighting, there are court dates, huge loyalty issues and life is just sad for them.  They begin to act out in anger, but under all that angry behavior is a huge amount of hurt; depression, abandonment, betrayal, fear, and  trust issues.

We, as adults, seem to merely look at the behavior, make judgments and put more pressure on them, instead of just listening and trying to understand what they are living.  Like I always say, “The more I listen, the more I learn.”  Listen WAAAAAY more than you talk, as an adult, and you will hear their heart.

This Tuesday on Chained No More, you will hear Cynthia Tobias and Sue Acuna, co-authors of “Middle School…The Inside Story…What Kids Tell Us but Don’t Tell YOU.”  They will discuss the issues mid-schoolers deal with every day and will also give family members practical tools to connect with their middle schooler and help those kids walk through this awkward stage of growing up.  Please tune in at 2-3pm ET  (8-8-17) at  www.toginet.com.

You can download the podcast at www.toginet.com/shows/chainednomore later that day.

If you are a parent of a mid-schooler, take a deep breath and realize that your child is not exempt from this part of development, but you certainly can help them through it with the right tools.  You will make it and so will they.  Focus in.  Put your screens down and listen to the heart of your child.

Prickly People

thorny rose

You know who they are.  The ones who get on your nerves and you try to avoid.  They may be someone at work, or church or they may be a family member.  They may be loud and obnoxious, a person who nags or continues to bring past issues up.  They may be gossipers or they may think that everyone is against them and they live in a “victim mentality.”  You know…

Wait a minute! Would anyone say YOU or I am a “prickly person?”  Do we feel people are avoiding us?  Are we gossipers or do we come across as a victim and everyone is against us?  Do we complain a lot or talk against people a lot?  Do we do most of the talking?  Yes, maybe WE are the “prickly person.”  Yikes!

Maybe it is time to evaluate ourselves and our friendships.  Do we need to “clean house” of negative and toxic people?  Do we need to replace those friendships with positive relationships that build up and not tear down?  How can WE be a better quality of friend?

Now, let’s talk about prickly family members.  We all have at least one “special one” that can cause discomfort and angst to the rest, don’t we?  Who is it in your family?  Is it a sibling or an aunt or uncle?  Is it YOU?  What do we do with all of this.  So glad you asked!

This Tuesday, August 1, on Chained No More Talk Radio, our guest is author Deb Potts, who wrote “Making Peace with Prickly People.”  Tune in to hear her teach us the practical steps to bring more peace into our relationships with boundaries and understanding; understanding them, and also ourselves.  This interview will be very helpful for all of us.  I am ready to learn…are you?  2-3pm ET at www.toginet.com

To download the podcast later, go to www.toginet.com/shows/chainednomore

“Make every effort to live in peace with all men (and women, and children) and to holy…”  Hebrews 12:14